A HAMSTER REMINDS ME
Chill out guitar music is playing
Anthony: How peaceful it is to have the whole planet Earth beneath your feet. To be as a bird, or rather pieces of a little worm inside of a bird’s digestive system. And for one glorious moment being able to soar majestically through nothingness.
Pappa’s voice: Bravo, Bravissimo! That´s what I call real poetry. B-e-a-fucking-utifull.
Anthony: surprised I´m sorry… What?
Anyway. Where was I? A bird, yes, a worm, yes, nothingness, YES! Nothing except the cute little humming from my two Rolls-Royce RB211 turbofan engines of my Bombardier Global 5000. This must be the best way to celebrate 50 years of successful living. Being all alone up in the air. Oh, wonderful solitude!
knocking is heard. Anthony looks out of the window and can see his father. Anthony tries to ignore him, and turns up the volume of the music. Pappa comes in the door and turns off the music.
Pappa: My son!
Pappa: My favorite son: Anton!
Anthony: It´s Anthony.
Pappa: Congratulations, Anton.
Anthony: Anthony. Thank you.
Pappa: Congratulations with finding such a gorgeous bird. This is a beautiful jet, Anton! I am so happy for you.
Anthony: It´s Anthony. And thank you!
Pappa: No, no. It’s you who should thank me.
Anthony: No, no, It’s me who should thank you. Wait, what?
Pappa: Without me you wouldn’t be flying around in all this gorgeousness. Without me you would be driving a car.
Anthony: I guess so.
Pappa: Note that I’m saying driving, which means NO PRIVATE DRIVER. As in you hauling yourself everywhere whenever needed.
Anthony: That would be terrible, Pappa.
Pappa: Terrible? It would be like burning, Anton.
Pappa: Burning in hell!
Pappa: I had to take public transportation once. A bus, Anton. I was seven, and my dad had just fired the driver because he didn’t like his face. He was so upset, and forgot all about me. He often did that. Forget about me. It used to upset me, but now that I’m a father myself I get it. And I got 2000 kronor because he felt bad about it. So I guess it’s alright. He was a good man, your grandfather. I got a lot from him. I’ve never felt really clean after that terrible bus trip.
Fiona: So this is where you are hiding, you coward! Did you have a great party? How many hundred guests did you invite? How many hundred thousands did it cost you?
Pappa: Seems like someone’s on her period.
Fiona: You are damn right, old man. And if you don’t shut up, I’m going to bleed right at your ugly face.
Fiona: Look, I have to confess that I don’t give a shit about your stupid party. What I do care about is my kids, and the child support they were suppose to get yesterday, which once again someone (hint; he is a selfish moron) seems to have forgotten all about.
Fiona: to pappa Please continue commenting. Just like you, I also love the sound of your voice.
Pappa: You just want his finances, you bitch.
Fiona: Damn straight! There’s not much more here to get, is there? And unlike you and your shitty son, I actually care about my children.
Pappa: And the way you care about your children is by stealing from my son’s capital?
Fiona: Please, tell me more about taking care of children. Give me some tips? Wait, let me guess: Never be home, and show that you care about them only by throwing some cash in their general direction?
Pappa: Well, business is bigger than love.
Anthony puts on the music again. And Pappa and Fiona disappear. He tries to relax and enjoy the music although it’s way too loud. The music is suddenly being turned off. Someone sings “ja må han leva”
Anthony looks confused and scared.
Anthony: What are you doing here?
Fru Hamster: I wanted to wish you happy birthday, Anthony.
Anthony: well… thanks…
Fru Hamster: And I have a gift for you.
Gives Anthony a presents. He is hesitating, looks at Fru Hamster, and opens the present slowly. It is a picture of a hamster.
Fru Hamster: So that you can remember me forever. And what you did…
Anthony: Yeah, about that I wanted to say that I had a lot to do right then, I remember… Fru Hamster looks straight at him. Anthony continues: and there was a new kid starting in my class. And he didn’t have any friends. So I thought I might spend some time with him. So he didn’t feel that lonely, I guess? Or so that I didn’t feel lonely maybe? I thought we could be lonely together… It’s confusing… But I…
Herr Hamster: And all this time your little hamster was sleeping in his own urine.
Herr Hamster: I was lying helpless with a broken leg under my hamster-wheel for several days before you found me.
Herr Hamster: And when you found me, it was too late wasn’t it?
Herr Hamster: in tears You were the only friend I had and you let me down. You broke my little hamster heart into a million pieces, Anthony! And you can’t even say that you are sorry?
Anthony: I believe that in order to say I am sorry, You must first learn to say “I”, and that’s kind of where I’m at. As they say, you must first learn to love yourself, you know?
Herr hamster has disappeared. Pappa turns up again.
Pappa: Well, I think it’s time for me to leave too. Goodbye, Anton. See you!
Anthony: Pappa! pause I remember that time when you read Hobbes for me. I don’t know why I remember it. But it was a nice … sensation or, what´s the word, feeling inside of me. I felt … warm. I was seven, and ever since the word competition has been written in my heart.
Pappa: It’s such a beautiful word. Competition.
I want you to know that even though I didn’t really plan to die as early as I did, I am not upset. You did what you had to do, Anton. In order “To be free, a man must be free of his brothers.”
Business first, My son. Business first.
Anthony: “Dead presidents” are the root to all good.
Pappa: That’s my boy.
Pappa exits. Anthony is smiling. He looks happy, but then the smile disappears.
Anthony: calls out Fiona!
Fiona shows up
Fiona: Sorry, did you say something? I couldn’t hear you. Did you say that the child support is transferred?
Anthony: I wanted to ask you, if you would like to say hi to the children from me. Say that I lo…lll…looo… Just say hi, will you?
Pause. Fiona looks at him.
Fiona: Well, I can’t can I?
Fiona: Just remember. The child. Support.
Fiona disappears. Anthony sits alone. He looks at the image of Fru Hamster. He puts it down and turns on the music. He sits back and looks out of the window. Sound of a plane is played.